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Dear Trailhead family,
Two priests were talking.
One priest was young, confident in his training, convinced of his role.
The other priest was old, his hourglass running low.
The conversation ebbed and flowed, both men curious of the other.
Then the young priest asked the question he was most curious about.
"If you had your priesthood to live over again, would you do anything differently?"
The young man knew the elderly priest had led a good life, conducted himself with integrity and virtue, and so he half expected that his friend would not have much to say to his question.
But his assumption was wrong, his companion did have a regret, a regret that he considered significant.
After a long pause, the old priest cleared his throat, wiped his eyes, and said in a papery voice, "If I had my priesthood to do over again, I would be easier on people the next time. I wouldn't be so stingy with God's mercy, with the sacraments, with forgiveness... I fear that I've been too hard on people. They have pain enough without me and the church laying further burdens on them. I should have risked God's mercy more!" (quotes from the old priest recounted by Ronald Rolheiser)
My kids love to dress up.
As you can imagine, there is much anticipation for Halloween.
One child has a costume loosely based on a princess and the other loosely based on a dinosaur.
And then there’s the candy.
We have had many conversations about which neighbors' houses we will visit, and I'm almost positive that I have seen my 4-year-old lick his lips in anticipation of the sugar.
Last Halloween, our final stop was at a friend’s house. The kids chose a piece of candy and then we were invited into the house to pet the dog and a moment later, the kids were offered another piece of candy. Before we left, more candy was shared and gladly accepted by my children.
Our visit to our friend’s home coincided with their decision that they were about done giving out candy and rather than end the evening with candy left over, they decided to give it away.
Where they were tempted to be stingy at the beginning of the night for fear that they would run out of candy, they now realized that they had more than enough and so the instructions to “Take just one” had become, “Would you like another?”
The human condition has always resolved around our suspicion that God is stingy with us. Is he holding out, is he holding back?
Can I trust that what I have been given is enough or do I need to reach out and grasp for more? That was the battle in the Garden and that is the battle in so many of our souls.
“Is there enough (fill in the blank) for me? Is there enough to go around? If I give some away, will I be left without?”
I am afraid that too many of us are hoarding grace.
After being given grace in amounts that we cannot fathom or understand, we grasp what we have, squinting at others, weighing whether they deserve to be given a smidge more or if they’ll just waste it like the last grace they were given.
In this, we do not look like our Father.
As I write this, I am sitting in a coffee shop in Columbia Falls, surrounded by people eating breakfast, talking about the weather and politics, a few wearing camo and a few are most definitely tourists.
And they are all fiercely loved by God.
Every person around me need only take a step toward the Father and they will find themselves caught up in a powerful hug, new clothes covering their shame, the family ring on their finger, and a flurry of preparations going on for the party that will shortly follow.
Grace upon grace.
Unless.
Unless those around me are already near the Father, and their nearness has caused them to lose the plot. Their nearness may have obstructed their view, turned their heart from gratitude to contempt, from graciousness to stinginess. Like our ancestors in the Garden, they may begin to question if the Father is holding out.
The grace is still there, but they have become blind.
In one of Jesus’ stories, as recounted in Luke chapter 15, the younger son meets his father and is shown grace. Grace that he receives (for that is the only requirement).
His life is marked by goodness, riches that he does not deserve but that he enjoys.
The older brother also meets his father. The older brother is also shown grace, invited into the house, into the party.
But the older brother cannot receive the grace.
The older brother suspects that his father has been stingy with him.
The older brother wonders aloud if his father has held back.
The older brother assumes that the only way there will be enough for him is if he and his father are stingy with his brother.
The old priest, upon reflecting on the question, sees reflections of the older brother in him.
And so might you.
I certainly see the reflection of the older brother in me.
But the reality is that the evening is getting late.
And we have no shortage of candy.
So, might we, when the next eager-faced trick-or-treaters come to our door, might we dump all the candy we have in the house into their little jack-o-lantern candy pails?
Might we know the joy of the father as we see their faces register shock and joy, the shock and joy of unexpected, undeserved, overflowing grace?
And no matter how much we give away, we will never give away what is ours, but only what we have been given by our Father.
He is that generous.
Grace and peace be upon you,
Grant